How to Make a Guest Work for Attention

How to Make a Guest Work for Attention 

According to Thea 

As Written by The Minecraft Breaker 

(A Guest Post)  

What do think when you hear the door open and close and when you open your eyes you see a guest sitting on the sofa? Well, I think of ways to make the guests calm down and work to impress me in order to qualify as my playmates.
 And these are the steps on how to be treated like a god.  


Step one: Having an Air of Importance


Find a place where you can be easily spotted by the guests, and at the same time comfortable enough to pretend you’re having a nap. It will buy you some time to not be disturbed by the energetic guest who came in just to play with you. It will also help you to observe the guest and know when the guest comes. Every time a guest comes you will see the same pattern repeating over and over again: You will be offered treats by them. Don't be a fool and get up and run to the guest for those treats. Instead, take your time and make your guest wait a bit. The decision of whether the guest will qualify as a playmate can wait for later, but you should never miss a chance to enjoy treats. So, go to your human for treats instead, avoiding the guest. That way, the guest knows that you are the god of cats and deserve whatever you want in the world, and the guest should be like your servant. After you are done with your treats, it's time to test the guest to see if it’s worth playing with him. 
  


Step two: Observing the Guest


Now, take a stroll around the guest, but don't look straight at him. Just make some quick glances and keep your ears peeled for sound. If the guest is asking your human about your favorite toys to impress you, the guest might be worthy of playing with, as he wants to know what you like the best. Some guests just don't care about what you want and use any random toys to play with, in which case you should hide in a place where the guest won't be able to find you.
 Observe the guest to see if he qualifies as a playmate. If the guest immediately chases you, then do not show any interest in the guest. The same is true for shoving a whole bunch of herbs at you and throwing feathers all over the room. But if the guest doesn’t do those things, then it will be okay to play with him. For a while. 

Step Three: Making the Guest Work


When the guest starts trying to get you to play, you have to act like you are ignoring him at first. However, don't keep the guest waiting for too long. Otherwise he might get bored and decide to quit. So, you better keep responding every once in a while. If you leave the room, make sure you come back to see the guest. Make sure to let the guest find you when you hide and don’t run away when he discovers you. It will provoke the guest to come up with new ways to grab your attention. You have to take breaks, so that it helps the guest to be more energetic next time. Also, make sure to watch your guest very closely, so that you are always at the center of attention. If you see him starting to show any sign that he has stopped thinking about you, immediately try to show a little interest by coming closer to the guest. 
 
   
 
 
 

If you follow these steps, you will learn how to make your guest work for your attention and treat you like a god. 

P.S. Don’t let your guests read this, or they might change their ways and not treat you like a god. 

How to Take Over English Class

How to Take Over English Class 

According to Duda 

(A Guest Post) 

Hello! My name is Duda, and I am a beautiful Himalayan Persian cat (a mix, really, but the important thing to remember is that I’m beautiful and mostly friendly). Zooey and Thea invited me to submit a guest post to their how-to series because I am experienced in the fine art of taking over English class. The steps below would also work for other types of classes, but I am currently applying them to my human’s weekly English class, so that’s our focus today. 

Step 1: When the weather is dry and mild, make your human let you out into the garden. Then sit or lounge on the front stoop and wait for the English teacher to approach. On rainy days, position yourself just inside the door. Alternatively, find a dry perch under the car where you can watch the teacher walk up the hill. The important point here is that you need to be first in line to greet the teacher when she arrives. 

Step 2: When the English teacher arrives at the stoop--or opens the door to the house--stand up and stretch your head toward her. Sniff her hand to confirm her identity. Then nudge that hand to make the English teacher give you a few head rubs before she moves forward. When she takes a step, wind yourself around her legs to slow her down and force her to talk to you a little more. Your human will be talking to the teacher at the same time, but by weaving your body between and around the teacher’s legs, you can still keep most of the attention focused on you. 

Step 3: Follow your human and the English teacher to the work area. Allow the teacher to take materials out of her backpack. Then jump onto the desk and sit on top of or in front of those materials. The teacher will have to look at you, and you will be too adorable for her to push away. When class gets going, your human and the teacher might overlook you even if you are sitting on materials, so be sure to move around from time to time. Go to the window. Jump down. Leave the room. But remember to return frequently to interrupt the class and bring the focus back to you. 

Note: If the work area is somehow closed off before you enter, paw at the door and mew. Your human will come to the door to check on you, thus granting you the window you need to slip in and jump on the desk. If the door gets closed again, you can repeat the process to draw attention to yourself when you want to leave the area. And again when you want to return. Ideally, you should be enough of a pest to remind your human that the door should remain open. 

Step 4: Either follow your human and the English teacher back to the door or meet them there. While the teacher puts her shoes back on, you can rub against her legs again. Then join her at the door to lead her out when the weather is fine. Stop on the stoop, so that the teacher has to turn back to the house to see how adorable you look. By bookending her arrival and departure in this way, you effectively take over the entire class. Even with whatever nonsense happens in the middle, your presence will dominate the experience and the teacher will be left with the impression of you and your adorableness at the forefront of her mind. She’ll sometimes even try to take your photo, but you can pretend to be more interested in the birds and chipmunks. That way, she can’t substitute a photo of you for the real thing, and you have an excuse to take over English class week after week. 

Bonus step: To make sure your human and the teacher continue to focus on you even when you are not present, torment the local chipmunk population. Each time you catch a chipmunk and bring it to your human, she will need to share the story with the teacher. This activity also allows you to show off your significant hunting skills and remind the chipmunks that it is dangerous to enter your garden.