How to Satisfy Your Coffee Fix
According to Thea
Do you know the taste of coffee? That dark, rich, bitter liquid that many humans drink? If not, I recommend that you try it. I discovered it when I was a tiny kitten, and I cannot get enough of it!
When you are first discovering coffee, you might need to stick your face in a lot of different cylindrically shaped containers. I often find that the tall glass ones contain water, and they are a fun size for dipping your paw in the liquid. Sometimes those tall glasses have a sweet-smelling liquid that fizzes, though, so beware. The fizzy liquid tickles your nose and can make you sneeze. There’s another kind of tall glass container that has a long stem at the bottom. My human seems to like the liquid that comes in that container as much as she likes coffee, but it is not for me. One whiff and I know I don’t want it. Coffee, though, that’s a smell that draws me in. Sometimes nutty, sometimes earthy, sometimes chocolate-y, always strong and rich. My human mostly drinks it out of medium-sized cylindrical containers that have a curved stem on the side. During the hot summer months, coffee sometimes comes in the tall, glass containers, too (with the added fun of ice cubes rattling around in it). The point is, once you smell it, the scent is utterly recognizable and impossible to resist. The trick then becomes how to satisfy your craving for it.
So, how do you satisfy your coffee fix? With persistence and patience.
The first step is learning to recognize the smell, as described above. Next, observe your human’s behavior. What does her coffee ritual look like? My human has a few different ways that she makes coffee, but they all seem to involve some combination of ground-up coffee beans and water. Sometimes she makes a horrible noise by grinding the beans. Other times, she seems to scoop them pre-ground into her different coffee makers. I suppose some cats might be interested in that part of the process, but I just want the finished product. So, I keep an eye out for the moment that my human picks up a container of liquid with the coffee smell and walks toward one of her sitting places. On weekday mornings, she most commonly sits on the sofa with the silver rectangular device perched on the pillows next to her and a plate of food and a cup of coffee on the hard, flat edge of the sofa next to that. As soon as she sits down, I begin the coffee dance.
I walk across my human and the pillows, heading toward the edge of the sofa. I might pause for a moment in front of the screen she’s trying to read. This helps to distract her. Then I pretend I need to move to the back of the sofa by way of the hard edge. Unfortunately, my human usually sees me as soon as I step onto the edge and begin to bend my head toward that sweet, sweet liquid, and she’ll grab the cup out of my reach. She usually snatches the plate, too, thereby depriving me of whatever nibbles it might contain. That first dance may not lead to any coffee, but rest assured that it serves a purpose: It reminds your human that you want some coffee and lets her know that you won’t stop until you succeed. As a bonus, you can also make your human look and feel ridiculous as she sits holding her plate and cup. It prevents her from tapping on the silver device and prevents her from actually eating whatever is on the plate. She can, however, continue to sip the coffee, which is what you want. Each sip that she takes brings it closer to your turn with the coffee cup. Plus, if your big sister is having Coffee and Lap Time, this move also prevents your human from stroking your sister and giving her extra attention. Sure, she still has the lap, but at least she doesn’t get the hands, too.
The dance of picking up, sipping, and putting down usually continues for about 15 minutes or so. You can circle around and around, walking over your human, making her pick up the plate and cup, continuing to the back of the sofa, then back to your human, etc. If you prefer, you can also simply perch on the back of the sofa behind your human’s head. You can also squeeze onto your human’s lap on top of your big sister or even claim the lap for yourself. That’s not a bad way to wait out your turn, so I highly recommend taking some lap time if you can’t get to the coffee right away.
While you wait, listen to the sound the cup makes when your human returns it to the hard surface. You can hear the change as the volume of liquid decreases. Act patient. Pretend you’ve lost interest. But listen carefully. You are waiting for the moment when the cup sounds empty. That’s when you really strike. Let your human focus on whatever she’s doing with the silver device and pretend you are no longer interested. Then, when your human lets her guard down, quickly and quietly slink over to the cup and stick your tongue on the inside edge. Your human may groan and complain, but once you lick the cup, it’s yours.
If you have properly trained your human by licking the coffee cup whenever it is neglected, your human will start to signal when it is your turn by placing the cup (sometimes the plate of crumbs, too!) on the floor for you. But don’t bother waiting for the signal. Make your move and satisfy your coffee fix. You won’t regret it!