How to Survive the Heat
(Mini How-to Series 1)
According to Zooey and Thea
After taking most of the summer off, we, Zooey and Thea, have decided to ease ourselves back into our how-to series. Today, we offer thoughts and recent experiences in a mini series of how-to writings. These are simple procedures that require fewer steps to accomplish, so they don’t warrant a detailed explanation. This mini series is also our first time collaborating on the how-to writing, and keeping things simple helped us avoid extended arguments about differing opinions. (In general, we get along with each other really well. But we are siblings, and conflicts sometimes occur. Just last night, for instance, Zooey claimed a spot on our human first, and when Thea came to bed, she chased Zooey away.)
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Unless you are someone who truly flourishes in hot weather, summer days can be brutal. As furry creatures, we are not big fans of super hot weather, though we do enjoy being warm and cozy. In fact, our dislike of the heat was a primary reason behind our summer hiatus. We had only one how-to running through our minds on those hot days: how to survive until the cooler weather arrived. If you want to know our secret to beating the heat, you only need to learn to follow two easy steps.
Step one: Make yourself as flat as possible. Summer is not a time for curling up on the pillows. Sprawl. Stretch out. Pretend you are the floor. Even when you are on other surfaces, pretend you are just a floppy, furry floorboard.
Step two: Don’t move. Stay as still as cat-ly possible. Continue breathing, of course, but taking gentle breaths should be your only movement. Make yourself so still that your human has to rest her hand on your side to confirm that you are indeed breathing.
If you stay flat and still, you will survive. You might not have much fun, but you will at least be more comfortable than those foolish dogs and humans who walk and run outside on hot days.
Final side note: While you should spend most of your time spread out flat and immobile, take the occasional break from surviving the heat to sit on your human’s lap. Sure, she will complain. She will probably groan and say that it is too hot. But she will also grab the ratty, gray blanket, pull it over her lap, and let you enjoy some lap time. It is never too hot for a little lap time.